Sunday

A Young Man Learns to 'Embrace' His HIV Status

Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Carl, a 19-year-old Prince George's County resident, spoke with reporter Susan Levine about finding out that he was HIV-positive -- and about his life after the diagnosis. Excerpts from that conversation:

THIS STORY
Teen Voices of AIDS
A Young Man Learns to 'Embrace' His HIV Status: A Young Man Learns to 'Embrace' His HIV Status

I've now been diagnosed for two years. Well, not two years, going on two years. January 13th. I found out on January 13th, 2006. It was Friday the 13th. I never forget, Friday the 13th, what a horrible day to find out . . .

I do not know when or where I was infected. . . . All I can give is a time period, an estimated time period anywhere between the ages of 15 and 16.

If you are what they call an at-risk person, the average teen, you kind of know, you've got to know, you have a feeling, look, I'm doing certain things, I'm living a certain lifestyle that can be damaging in the future.

So kind of by the age of 17, I started thinking, you know, all my friends kept saying, we're all gonna go get tested, and we should all get tested together, but I lived with a certain fear because, a fear of knowing. You know, I kind of said to myself, I think I might have it, but I'm not sure.

To me, at the time, at the time, not knowing was waaaay better than knowing. Because if I didn't know, I did not have to deal with the pressures or, for lack of understanding at the time, you know, ending my life. You know, it was like a death thing, what I thought at the time.

I was very uneducated about the subject. You know, when things came up on TV about AIDS or HIV, when they talked about it in school, I kind of ran away from it. You know, cut the channel, cover my eyes, 'cause I was scared of, I was scared of the facts, I didn't want to know the facts, I wanted to stay ignorant to the subject . . . because as long as I was ignorant to the subject, I thought, Okay, I'm fine.

That kept me sane. I'm thinking, If I don't know anything about it, I'm fine. But if I knew what was going on, it made me feel more and more guilty about the things I was doing as a teenager.

I was afraid my mom was going to throw me out, she was going to disown me as her child. . . . I did not know what the outcomes could be, you know. We didn't grow up with the best of relationships, so I didn't know how she was going to feel if I was positive.

The bad part about it is that my mom was just as ignorant on the subject as I was. So when we got home, it was a circus, you know. She made me eat off of paper plates, eat from paper products. You know, I couldn't, like I said, I had three other brothers and sisters. I couldn't share any, any, you know, knives, forks, spoons that they shared. I drank from paper cups, paper knives, ate off of paper plates. Everything was separate.

It really hurt me, it really hurt me. Like I really pushed myself away from the family.

Over the past two years, I've grown a lot. I've become educated, I've become educated on the subject through my doctors, my social workers. . . . I've really become one with who I am, and I've embraced being HIV-positive. Sometimes I even forget I have it. I live a normal life. Like I say, I'm a college student. I have normal bills, normal student loans. . . . I live a life of a teenager.

Teenagers start rumors. So I had rumors from everywhere: I was starving my soul. I was bulimic. And then the big thing came out: Everyone said Carl had AIDS. The big rumor came out about Carl having AIDS.

I used to have pity parties for myself. You know, that was the hardest part. I would have a weekly pity party, where I would go and I would sob and it would be sob, play the blame game, feel sorry for myself. I don't have those anymore.

I've changed my sexual patterns and my sexual behavior, um, where at first I was afraid to ask for condoms.

I use them, I'm not afraid to use them.

To me, it's a part of you. It's like anything that's a part of you, from a scar on your hand . . . it's something you have to live with. It's something you have to say to yourself: "Am I gonna let this scar on my face control who I am as a person? Am I gonna let cancer dictate my life?"

As I said to myself, "Am I gonna let HIV define who I am as a person?" And I said to myself, "No, no, I'm not." Yes, I've seen people die of HIV, and I've heard the stories of people dying at a young age. But I've also heard the stories of healthy people who live long, healthy lives, who lived into their 40s or even into their 50s or late 30s, who took care of their selves and accomplished everything they wanted in life, you know.

Teens should know that HIV is real. And I think, you know, no matter how many commercials you put, how many billboards you put up, how many posters, how many people come to your school and talk, they need to know that it's real and it's out there. A lot of teens are naive to certain things. I know I was naive. . . . It's like . . . it's not gonna happen to me. And finally, when it happens, it's reality.

Let me tell you: The closest thing I got to HIV education in school, I don't even remember talking about HIV in health class. . . . A little segment in health class on what they called at the time STDs, that's about it. We didn't focus on HIV and AIDS in school, which to me is sad.

My parents and adults, they didn't think HIV is real in teenagers. It's like teenagers don't think HIV is real in the adults, parents don't want to believe that HIV is real in teenagers.

The way I was living, it took me getting HIV to turn my life around.

I think my main message to another teenager, one who would be at risk or not at risk: HIV is alive, is real. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you or can happen to your friend, your BFF, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. It's alive.


Carl spoke with The Post on condition that his last name not be used.



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1 Comentário:

Anonymous said...

敬爱的佛教信土:
我是甲洞三宝寺 (暹廟) SAMNAK SAMBODHI BUDDHIST ASSOCIATION NO: 19-21 JALAN 38 TAMAN DESA JAYA KEPONG 52100 KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA. 的理事, 当任此职多年, 对内的事務也一清二楚。

最近, 在网络上看了PHRA PIYATHAMMO和尚和马华公会鸱唛区主席叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak)律师的双方信件, 使我的内心久久不能平伏, 良心受到很大的譴責, 不吐訢不痛快, 所以我要誠恳的説:他叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak)侓师叫外来的流流氓到三宝寺(暹廟)挑衅和尚打架及电招警方人员扣捕沙彌, 其嘲笑手法, 不外是要显示其权力, 而鞏固其职位, 以达到权力就是一切, 好让住持难堪, 自动離开, 方便行事……这种举动, 已间接的表逹其含意, 住持和尚兼顾问, 都无能为力,你们这些信徒能做什么?即使告马耒西亜佛教总会又能为难什么?这种心态, 的硧令人反感, 不是一个正信佛教者应有的行为。

至今, 三宝寺的理事成员多数是其親戚, 这是实事, 加入会员需交RM100元费用,同时,必须经过叶金福(Yip Kum Fook)律师的同意,否则免談, 所以会员也不多。

马华公会鹅唛区主席叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak)律师,自控制三宝寺之後,把三宝寺(暹廟)当着私人產業,聘用和尚賺钱,利用佛教的道地为政治活动埸所,而处理三宝寺的钱财也不透明?这点,值得信众追问。马来西亚地擴人多,和尚也不缺乏,为什么不用本地和尚当任住持化缘,却偏偏劳心劳神,浪费签证费,交通费? 还要烦劳梹城佛总的推荐信, 向文化不同, 而語言又不通之千哩外囯缅旬和尚求助? 为什么….为什么? 只要我们用头脑想一想,便一日了然, 不必晝虎添足。

叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak )律师说:欢迎任何人如有意见,可以电话03:62762369/0122039700 Email: YIPKUMFOOK@HOTMAIL.COM 戓到其马华公会鹅唛区会甲洞三宝寺及以下地圵:NO.2,B JALAN 53 TAMAN DESA JAYA KEPONG 52100 SELANGOR, MALAYSIA.討論, 我要老实的提醒大家, 最好不要一个去見他, 因为这个人狡滑, 笑裡藏刀, 很阴险, 出家人都不放在眼裡, 連TAMAN DAYA 52100 KEPONG, KUALA LUMPUR. 众人的印度廟也敢放火燒, 利用权势把场地佔为己有, 由此可见, 他是何等的心毒? 还有现在三宝寺内, 各处都按裝计孔监视来人一举一动。

目前, 三宝寺很多信徒及当地居民, 已经对叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak )律师不满, 但也不能做什么。他计划把三宝寺主席的职位轉给其子YIP JIUN HANN律师, 续承皇朝. 想近一部了觧詳情, 可上网得知。

再说, 根据前理事在网络上给叶金福(Yip Kum Fook, MCA Gombak)律师的批評, 説他懂得包裝自己的道德守则, 以宗教为幌子手, 到处募款, 啇業经营, 政治活动为重, 并没依循佛教守則行事, 也没对人道作出貢献, 只不过借三宝寺宗教之名捞取权和私利而己, 其言也不为过, 是实事。

在此, 我恳切希望, 廣大的佛教信仰者, 给予关注, 并共創義举, 弘扬佛教. 谢谢。

Mr Lim Sok Chia敬啟
Ms Yap

Sharing by Taman Desa Jaya (people), Kepong

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